Yeah, I'm talking about Jehova's Witnesses.
Chances are, that if you are not a part of that idiotic sect, you were harassed by them at least once in your lifetime. Personally, I dealt with them by either just not opening my door, or if by some mistake I did open the door, I closed it in their face.
No, bitches, I don't care about your God, especially when he makes you the laughing stock of the whole wide world.
So, in case you are still suffering from unfortunate soul purging or whatever the hell they call it, here are a couple of ways to get rid of them.
1. When you open the door and the person standing there says, "Hello, I'm collecting for the Jehova's Witnesses", interrupt them and say, "Awesome, I'm Jehovah. How much have we made so far?"
2. If you live in a house, draw a chalk outline of a body on your sidewalk and scatter some Watchtowers around it.
3. Answer the door with, "Allah, be praised".
4. Answer the door fully naked.
5. Answer the door with, "I'm sorry, but I'm busy right now, how about you giving me your address and I'll come around when I'm free?"
6. If your skin has a darker shade than my lily-white ass, you can go along with putting on a middle eastern accent and shouting something along the lines of: "Ali! Get saber quick! Infidel dogs outside door!"
7. If someone the same sex as you comes to the door, try flirting with them. (Most of them are homophobic to the extreme)
8. They are not allowed to talk to apostates or excommunicated people, so be sure to invite them in, and as they are just getting comfortable ask them if they want to know why you left the cult. They will never bother to come back again.
9. Take their paper and tell them that it came in handy, since you just ran out of bible pages.
10. Vuvuzela Symphony in B minor
11. Smugly tell them that your God can beat up their god.
12. Tell them that you already have a religion. If they ask you what it is, act all guilty and tell them that you are not sure that it is legal in the country you live in.
13. Pretend that you have split personality disorder (tell them that someone in your family is dead, and then a few minutes later pretend that you want to call them. Be all nice and kind in one minute and a vicious bastard the next)
14. Ask them why would God wait 2000 years to call their religion "Jehova's Witnesses".
15. Ask them about 1935.
16. Ask them what is the name of their god, and when they tell you it's Yahweh, ask them why they misspell it constantly then.
17. Ask them if their Bible says that only God is the savior, why does it also say that Jesus is the savior.
18. Ask them if they believe that Jesus was the wisdom of God - but God created Jesus at a later point, does that mean that their God doesn't actually have any wisdom of its own?
19. Answer every single question of theirs with "What do you mean by that?"
20. Pick a word they use often (like God, or Jesus), and whenever they say it laugh uncontrollably. Or interject something along the lines of "Beep".
