I guess some things make the news because some people are either just plain stupid, either they want to fill up the time quota.
Whatever the reason, I think you have surely seen idiotic things people insert in your local news channels, and when you look at them you probably go: "What the hell kind of news is that?"
Anyways, thanks to Emő, I managed to dig up a few news like this. I hope they will give you a few hilarity filled minutes.
Also, I would like to ask you guys to send me stuff like this if you find any. Just insert any links in the comment section, and I'll be sure to get them. Thanks!
1. Pen still works after 25 years in stomach
Oh yay, so someone apparently forgot that they swallowed a whole fu*kin pen. What I don't get is, why the hell did she wait for 25 years to get checked out? And who the hell thought it was a good idea to try out the pen anyway? The funnest part though, was this: she told doctors, that 25 years earlier she accidentally swallowed the pen when she slipped and fell while "interrogating a spot on her tonsil". What the fu*k, I say...
2. Muslim Cleric’s Warning: Cucumbers Too Sexy for Women
Apparently some imbecile cleric thought it a good idea to warn Muslim women of the terrifying vegetables and fruits. He advised that if women wanted to eat these foods, a third party — preferably a male related to them, such as their father or husband — should cut the items into small pieces before serving. I'm not sure what the hell this guy was thinking, but I have a hunch, that he was the one too obsessed with phallic symbols everywhere... Maybe it's time to come out of the cupboard?
3. 9-Year-Old Suspended For Calling Teacher ‘Cute’
Now I don't know what is happening with the world, but lemme tell you, it's heading in the wrong way. The teacher actually accused the 9 year old with sexual harassment. I bet this happened in America too... Also, I'm wondering if I could accuse my 3 year old niece with molestation. She kissed me a few times, you see...
4. Boy Arrested for Burping in Class
So this is where we stand - again. A 13 year old boy was handcuffed and hauled off to jail because he had the audacity to burp in class. The teacher called the police officer saying he was disrupting the class with his freakish ways. I guess when he will fart next time he will be burned at the stake for the demon he is. Way to go, I say. Way to go!
5. Woman Throws Banana at Bus Driver
Oh, fu*k, that must be trouble! It probably also got the poor driver paralyzed or something. The woman was trying to teach her child to drive and they almost had an accident. So she tried to talked to the driver while she gesticulated with the banana, which managed to "fly out of her hand" and somehow hit the driver in the fu*kin eye. Where is that cleric again?
6. Man wears 247 Shirts
Fu*k if I care, what someone chooses to do. But the fact that he actually managed to get 5000 dollars for doing this boggles the mind. I like Guiness records and all, but what the hell is the purpose of this? They give out great prizes for idiotic things like wearing a bunch of shirts... Talentless freaks!
7. Man Mistakes Moon for UFO
Geezus... I don't even want to know who the hell could do this. The guy actually called 911 to report something shiny hovering over his home. For some strange reason the object didn't have any sound coming from its engines. I'm not exactly sure how this goes, but if he wanted to make a prank he didn't do it right. He also called the police back two minutes later to inform them, that it was a "mistake"... in my opinion, he was absolutely high on something.
8. Man Performs Weird Dance to ‘Pumped up Kicks’
Oh yeah, so now you can apparently get into the news by performing a few embarrassing moves to a song. I'll tell you guys something, though... no one cares! (Or do they?) Especially about fu*ken dubstep. I hate the damn thing.
9. Twins Give Birth to Babies Less Than an Hour Apart
Oh what is the chance, right? To tell you the truth, I don't think it requires that much of luck for this to happen. Now, if the news would have specify for instance when were the babies conceived and how long after did they give birth I might actually look interested in these news. Also... I didn't hear a thing about the nature of the birth. And even if it was a great coincidence... so what?
10. Clan Arrested For Shaving Beards Of Amish Men
Damn, I can't stop laughing at this one. You have to read it... here's the article!.
Category:
