... am quite proud of, is yesterday's post.

I'm not exactly sure how many of you guys appreciated it, but I can tell you it feels damn good to be able to say that you made something like that. It's all my work from start to the end, and not a bunch of information I found lying on he internet, and which I reused.

Anyways, who's ready to learn something new today?

Today's topic will probably be for those above a certain age. But because it's not something you shouldn't know about, I'm going to post it under safe to read. (Cause I know that no matter the warning, if teenagers want to see ass, or read about rape, they will. Also, today's topic will shed some light on the fact, that you learn some great stuff in school if you pay attention)

So, let us insert ourselves in the world of books and writers once again.

1. Shakespeare
We all learned some Shakespeare in School. You probably know quite a few things about him and his works too. Even though I'm sure most of you guys never liked any of it, let's admit to the fact that some topics he talked about are valid even today. Topics, like... bears eating people, murders, rape, torture, mutilation, religion, and of course, sexual orientation.
Okay, so where the fu*k can you read about a bear mauling someone? In A Winter's Tale, my friends. In it the king orders that his wife and kids be killed. Typical Shakespeare, you might say. But then, when the killer finally get's his chance, in comes a bear and chases him off. Just because, fu*k you! Okay, so let's get on to more interesting topics, like murder. The most gruesome tortures probably take place in Titus Andronicus. There's a pair of people in it, who -I'm guessing, might be the typical example of insanity caused by inbreeding- take turn in killing each other's children. Tamora surprises Lavinia and her fiancee in a forest, than proceeds to kill the guy, and throw him in a pit. Also, on the side he makes her sons gang-rape Lavinia, and after that mutilate her. Also, there is a scene where someone turns to cannibalism, but hey, I'm not going to specify an of that.
In King Lear, there's is also a scene with a mutilation taking place. I'm not going to get in the middle of this one, let's just say that someone plucks a few eyes from some other someones. Boy, Old Shakespeare loved his torture a day.
Also... religion. In the Merchant of Venice everyone hates the Jews. Tho the play apparently is considered to have a happy ending. I guess when you read other plays from Shakespeare it must be a happy ending to see someone converted to Christianity by force. Even when the same guy pleads at the others just to kill him instead.
And now on to more interesting fields. In the play Coriolanus there are some mortal enemies. They are war, of course. Again, something that's typical Shakespeare. But then something funny happens. Coriolanus, the most blood-thirsty general in the army shows up at his mortal enemy's house half naked. Aufidius, who spends the first three Acts of the play trying to kill Coriolanus, throws his arms around his enemy's body and launches into the most homo-erotic speech in Shakespeare, describing among other things the various wet-dreams he has had about Coriolanus. (Now imagine Batman and Joker going at it...)
Oh, by the way... You should also know old Willy was quite fond of dick jokes too. Maybe I'll cover this in another post...

2. Lewis Caroll
Okay, so lot's of people love Alice in Wonderland. (I don't... I could never EVER understand what the fu*k is happening in it, or what's it about...) It's about some little girl, who spends his time running around eating cookies that have little instruction on them (like that isn't creepy enough).
How many of you guys actually know, though, that the story was written by Lewis Caroll to entertain his girlfriend... who was 10 years old.
He was, what now you would call a 'total nerd'. He was home schooled, he had a stutter, and he counted math and logic as his hobby. This wasn't too unusual tho. What -in my opinion - made him a freak, is that he loved to take pictures of naked little girls.
He came up with the story at a minute notice, when 10 year old Alice Liddell told him she was bored. Eventually she told him to write it down, so he did. And he became famous. Go figure.

3. Lord Byron
I have to admit, the life of this guy cracked me up. Although I don't know much about what he wrote, he was probably a little bit bent. But then again, most of the writers out there are missing, or missed some cogs, so that's probably not surprising.
For those guys who are familiar with Hungarian literature this will probably sound a little familiar.
First off Lord Byron went to Cambridge. He was told not to bring his dog with him on the campus, and since he was probably just an emo teenager at the time he looked up the rules of the campus, searching for any pets he could have. He didn't find any reference that said, bears are forbidden, so he just got one as a pet. He was of course a responsible pet owner and took his bear on long walk around the campus on a leash, freaking out the students and lecturers meanwhile.
After he left school tho, he didn't actually become a model citizen. According to Percy Shelley (a fellow poet), he kept ten horses, eight enormous dogs, three monkeys, five cats, an eagle, a crow, a falcon, five peacocks, two guinea hens, and an Egyptian Crane, and except the horses every single one of these were in his house. After a while though, he changed his interests into playing war admiral. (And this is the part that reminded me of a book I read... let's see if anyone recognizes it!) He constructed two small stone forts on the edge of his lake and launched a fleet of toy ships, which he would spend whole days directing while crouched in his fort. At Byron's insistence his servant, Joe Murray, would lie prone on a small boat in the lake and "command the ships" which we're guessing consisted of pushing them around and making cannon noises with his mouth.

4. Stephen King
So we are in our times again. Now, I put King here, because, let's face it, he must be a little bit crazy, all in all. He's probably somewhere between the ledge of the genius and cuckoo-land. I think he knows really well how people will react in certain situations, which is probably what makes his books so good. He has somewhere around 70 novels and countless short works, and I have no idea how he can write so fast... His childhood was probably something you find in movies: his father left them when he was 2 years old, on the pretense of "going out to buy a pack of cigarettes". Apparently he also saw as a child a friend of his being struck by a train. His mother was a caregiver for the mentally challenged. In 1999 he was hit by a car, and ended up in a hospital with a collapsed right lung, multiple fractures of his right leg, scalp laceration and a broken hip. He was operated 5 times in 10 days, and approximately one month after the accident he was already writing again. Though he could barely sit longer than forty minutes because of the pain. He quit writing in 2002 because of this, but since then he said he still write, though at a slower rate than before.
Anyways, whatever you think King is not only a horror writer. He wrote suspense, science-fiction and fantasy too. Also, I think you will love after you will read the next quotes from him: “As a species we're fundamentally insane. Put more than two of us in a room, we pick sides and start dreaming up reasons to kill one another. Why do you think we invented politics and religion?”
“Both Rowling and Meyer, they’re speaking directly to young people. … The real difference is that [Harry Potter author] Jo Rowling is a terrific writer and [Twilight author] Stephenie Meyer can’t write worth a darn. She’s not very good.”
“Harry Potter is about confronting fears, finding inner strength and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend.”
“I think that we're all mentally ill. Those of us outside the asylums only hide it a little better - and maybe not all that much better after all.”
Also... I remember him saying something along the line that the most horrible monster someone came up with in a book were the dementors in the Harry Potter books. I tried finding the quote, but with any success. Can anyone help me out in this?

Now on to the last writer, before I'm going to read the King book I got from my sis for Xmas (<3)

5. J.K.Rowling
You knew this was coming. I bet you did. Today tho, I'm going to present to you guys why Harry Potter is not a story for little kids. Well, actually lemme correct that. It can be read by kids, but there are some little things about it, only adults will get.
If you know your myths and legends, you will probably know the role of the centaurs in it. Rowling hid this one well, and I didn't pick up on it until last year, actually. I've read an article about it and I could barely hold in my giggle at this.
You remember Umbridge, the stupid little witch who pissed of everyone, I bet. Now, at the end of The Order Of The Phoenix she gets dragged off by some centaurs while she screams bloody murder. I found this hilarious, because she was damn racist, and being taken by some halfbreed beasts was her getting what she deserved. But the thing is, the part the centaurs play in myths is the part of the rapists. This fact is hinted upon on a second occasion too, when at the end of the book Umbridge turns up in the infirmary and the kids mock her by making horse noises. She obviously suffered quite a trauma in that fores, but who cares - she deserved it!
Okay, so the thing is, there are other little parts in the book that you will only get a hint at. For some reason though I picked up on this one by my own, as a child - well, teenager, really. Do you guys remember Dumbledore's brother? I'm sure you do, since he played quite a big part in the last book. He was also mentioned on other occasions, and more than a few times of those he was mentioned alongside a goat. Rowling slipped in an on-going joke around wizards - and adults for that matter. Aberforth Dumbledore once got into trouble for a minor scandal, for using "inappropriate charms on a goat". Now Rowling was even asked about this one, but since the kid asking was only 8 she brushed over the answer...
Oh, and there was another hint at possible rape in the books. In fact, it's again about the Dumbledore family. Dumbledore's little sister was traumatized as a child by some boys, who saw her doing magic. She was later killed in a fight between Albus and Grindelwald. Their father ended up in jail because he was so enraged about what the boys did to the girl, he attempted(?) to murder them.
I'm not exactly sure how to say this, but the Dumbledore family was a bit fu*ked up if you ask me. Rape, bestiality, murder, and homosexuality probably wasn't something that Albus could get trough easily. I'm not surprised he was the way he was...
(And also, I could never understand how the halfbreeds came to be either. Like Hagrid. His father was the human one, thank god, but WTF? And Flitwick? He has goblin ancestors... and Fleur is part veela. Maybe polyjuice?)
Also, you should not forget all the date-rape drugs lying freely around the wizarding world.
Dang, there are so many things I would love to know about that world... it seems quite depraved, when you think about it. I like it.