...don't really care about is Miss Universe.

I know that for some people it's a necessity to ogle pretty (and not so pretty, by my standards), barely legal girls, but for me the dhow really doesn't do anything.

Still, yesterday I saw a post on the wall of a FB friend about some clothes, and I decided to comment on them today. Have it in your mind that I don't know absolutely anything about these girls - since, you know, i didn't watch the show AT ALL.

But just for the fun of it, let me show you their costumes.

This one is apparently for a part of the contest that had them wearing something national. Try to guess which girl is from where looking at the pics!

There are actually only a few countries left nowadays who tend to dress up in the more... traditional(?) way. For some reason this one reminds me of a weird mash-up between and Egyptian pharaoh, an Eastern European peasant and a Christmas tree. It is naturally, Miss Albania. 

Uhm... I guess this is why men watch the show. Really? You had to paint pictures on your dress? Well, at least you could've made them tasteful. Just because someone says "national" you don't have to paint your tribe members on your dress. Or is that just me, Miss Angola? 

Angel of death, or an impersonation of a huge vulture? Does this remind anyone of a crossover between Game of Thrones and Neville's grandmother? Damn, I kinda like this one - I would probably love to wear it for a minute or two in a masquerade. And if you didn't guess it by now, this one is Miss Argentina. 


So what's this, then? snow and a chimney sweep? Mother Holle? Nope, apparently this is what "something national" means to Aruba. All right, so I think I might get that the dress is supposed to be sand and waves (?), but what's with that stick I have no idea. Maybe I should look into Aruba more. 

Boom! Something more... normal? Well, at least more modern, if nothing else. This one is pretty simple as far as dresses go - and I'm pretty sure you would not be able to guess what country this belongs to. Ladies and gentlemen... Miss Australia. 

Oh yeah, now we're speaking! I love this one! But probably only because I love PotC... I can already see a few fictional characters wearing something like this. And if you were wondering, this one is Miss Bahamas. (I also kinda like the girl). 

If you didn't already guess from the Umbrella, I'm sure there will be nothing else to clue you in. Sure, it's stylish and all, but the dress would probably go along better on some middle-aged woman who's attending a funeral. Or is that just me, Miss Belgium? 

Holy Mother of God! What IS this? Something that dropped out of Evolution (2001)? I haven't seen a costume this horrible since there's fashion became something "cool". I'm not trying to be funny, this does make me sick to my stomach a bit. I highly recommend that pregnant women stay away. Miss Bolivia... not cool. Not cool at all. 

Aaand we find ourselves in a documentary about tits-to-the-ground and stick-on-a-dick cannibals. Is that racist? Sorry. Couldn't help myself. I'm almost expecting her to jump out and chant some voodoo at me, and I'm not even sure if Botswana is a place for voodoo. Also, why would she cover her eyes? Shouldn't they be like a necessity when it comes to judging your body? 

You may find yourself in a bit of luck if you are not convulsing on the ground by this time. Really? You had to paint all the flora and fauna on your dress - in vivid colors? What the hell is wrong with people nowadays? Are we going to pull down those boring pictures from our walls now and tie them around ourselves? Sure, we all know that Brazil is colorful and all - but really, is there no other way to express this? 

Right. A walking island. I wonder how hard it is to keep her head standing upright in the monstrosity.   Also, the dress looks like something dragged out of the sea by a half-dead seal. Her weird smile says it all, I guess. She is Miss British Virgin Islands. I do hope that the octopus stuck to the hem of that dress will survive. 

For those people who read Game of Thrones, this costume will probably mean something the like of: I kill men, and wear their balls on my head. Also, is it just me, or most of these girls also have horrendous shoes? Is that really the fashion now? Miss Virgin Mary here comes from Bulgaria. Surprise surprise. 


Quickly, name a country that has all kinds of people in it. Oh, you wanted to say U.S.A? Now wait a minute... USA wouldn't just make a girl wear anything that advertises this, right? So what could this be? Canada, of course! Tho I still would've gone with a bunch of reindeer and Santa Clause. And no matter how noble, this dress still makes me want to puke. 

Here's another country that thought it a good idea to skin a bunch of birds and stick them around a girl. For me, it actually looks like the dress is made of burnt seeds. Have you ever seen a burnt field of sunflowers? Is that the daily activity on Cyman Islands? 

Let's step into the world of camel toes! Feel free to pick up a tour map at the reception in Hotel Labia. I don't even have anything else to say about this costume. A shame that the girl who wears it isn't at all attractive. In fact, besides the pirate girl till now, none of the  girls seemed pretty enough for me. Or are my expectations too high? 

Sure, this one looks like a huge bowl or plate or something, but it's kind of fun. Also, I take back my previous words. Miss China here looks good enough for me. Though I still wonder how she walked in with that dress. 

Birds are all the rage this year! And she DOES look like a huge parrot. Damn it, I wish the yellow color was illegal. She also looks like a huge lemon. Or is that just the shoes? One word to describe this, tho: YUCK! Oh, By the way, she is Miss Columbia. 

Errrr, I don't even... What? Is it just me, or sticking flowers to a dress should also get banned? And what are all those chain thingies supposed to represent? Besides, that hat once again reminds me of Egyptians. Does Costa Rica has anything to do with that, or is it just a weird happening? Also, is it just me, or does Miss Costa Rica have a little bit of a tummy? 

Are the 90's coming in now, really? A few more inches this way and that to these shoes and you may as well strap a piece of wood to your legs. The dress is pretty simple, tho. I'm guessing it was made by some genius who then asked millions of Euros for it. No matter that my mom could've probably made something like this for a penny. She's Miss Croatia, by the way. 

As I said, birds are in. And why the fuck would someone want to dress up like a big bird on a show like Miss Universe? I mean, sure- on a Halloween Party everything is cool. But really... A bird's head as a hat - and ridiculous looking gloves? Is that what Curacao's budget goes on? 

Guess the Continent! What else, but Europe? I'm not against people wearing these ethnic dresses (did I say that right? Is this ethnic?), but I'm fairly sure that pink shouldn't be in that costume. I hope I'm not wrong - though if anyone is reading this from Czech, feel free to correct me. 

I hope that's not garlic on top of her head... Otherwise she's one of the prettiest girls in here. Still, I think that draping a peace of your pillowcase around you doesn't say much about Cyprus. 

You have one guess on this ugly piece of fashion. Yeah, it's Denmark. I'm guessing it's because of the Little Mermaid, that she's dressed as... well, the little mermaid. But damn it, they could've at least made it more... realistic? This looks like something borrowed from a Halloween costume shop at the last minute possible. 

She remind me of myself - only in the sense that she doesn't seem to be able to get on a pic without some kind of grimace or her eyes being open. Otherwise she reminds me of a stupid peacock, which I have no idea what it has to do with the Dominican Republic. Is the peacock their national bird or something? Damn, someone should've brought an ornithologist to this show. 

Holy FUCK! What's that supposed to be on her head? A decapitated monkey-bird mutant? I really don't understand how they can even stand straight with that piece of crap on their heads. Miss Ecuador, I hope you get out of this without a broken neck. 

This makes me think of tzatziki, green onions and Easter. Not a bad combination, really. Hey, I think I kind of like this one. And the girl is pretty too. Though I think they could've stayed their hands when it came to placing all those flowers on the dress. Those are a bit too much. El Salvador would have a good chance with me. 

Is it me, or does this look like the Northern version of a gypsy? The top of the dress would be good enough -. but that bottom looks like a piece of cloth someone dug up in a trashcan. It even has the feeling of dirtiness. Well, to me at least it does. The girl is from Estonia. 

I nearly pissed myself laughing when I saw from where this chick is - because the first thing that came to my mind when I saw her was that she looks like a piece of plank in that dress. By the way, that dress kind of looks like a bathrobe. Not something I would wear outside. Oh, and in case you were wondering, she is from Ethiopia. Damn, I think she would also be pretty if she would just eat a few meals. 

Right... Because nothing says winter better than a girl with a thin layer of white clothe draped around her. Sure, she's pretty, and the dress does scream Finland pretty loudly... but damn. Something more original, please? 

I love seeing people so challenged when it comes to imagination that the only thing they can come up with to describe their nation is their flag. Yeah, you guessed right, this is France. What else is new? 

Miss Gabon here looks like she was just woken up by the doorbell, and picked up the first thing that came into her hands. That...thing that she's wearing looks like a tablecloth. 

Well... I've seen prettier girls in my life, that's for sure. The dress isn't really something that she should wear either. I would've probably stuck with something that would drive your eyes towards her breasts or something, because by wearing this I have to decide between looking at her face or the dress. Neither one of them is pleasing. Sorry, Miss Georgia, but I've seen better. 

Well now, we're getting somewhere. What comes in mind when you look at this? Beer and sausages? You're right, this one represents Germany. I would've chosen different colors for it, but the style is pretty cute. 

Well. I think that the colors suit her, but quite frankly I really don't know if two pieces of towel should be passed as a dress. Though, knowing where she came from, I think it's understandable. Isn't that right, Miss Ghana? 

Right. Great Britain isn't too far away from the French either with this pair of stylish thighs - or whatever that suit actually is. But quite frankly she wears this one well. At least we can give her that. 

A pair of ugly bows on my shoulders? No thanks! - at least that's what I would've said if they would've presented me with this. Also, what's with the capes, ladies? Is this an episode of a superhero cartoon? This beauty is from Greece, by the way. 

Why not just come naked, Miss Guam? 

That girl eerily reminds me of some actress or other from a TV show my mom watches. But are those  Mayans on her dress? Well, I can't blame Guatemala for that, really, what with all the hysterics about the world coming to an end. 

I think someone just ate my last pack of Skittles and threw them up on that picture. Really, Guyana, what's this supposed to be? It looks like something from a weird futuristic movie. 

I'm not even going to comment this one, Haiti. Damn it, I know you had it bad, but I would've at least spent some money on that dress. 

So what's this? A weird combination between a human and a mermaid? Are you a water princess or a land walker? Cause I'm not sure what would happen with that hat in the water - or what would you do with a giant seahorse on a rod on the land. Still, nice boobs, Miss Honduras (but you look like you are about to tip over to the right)

I almost laughed my ass off at this one too. She looks like a giant piece of pastry. Which isn't too bad, considering that she comes from Hungary. (Also, don't get me wrong, but I think she isn't that pretty either)

Okay, I'm sorry, but whenever I see these clothes the first thing that comes to my mind is "stupid gypsies". I know that it's racist and all - but I can't help it. Sorry. Otherwise she is pretty - though I still don't like the clothes. It looks too... I don't even know what. And I'm not a huge fan of these fancy stuff either. I really do hope that I didn't have to say it, but she is Miss India. 

When I first glanced at this one, I thought that must be a Phoenix or something - but then I realized that the colors would be wrong - and that, really, there's nothing even remotely birdlike in it. Though I still wouldn't have guessed that this one is Miss Indonesia. 

Well now, we're getting closer to what a Miss Universe should look like. This is pretty and cute and elegant. And since it's green, what else do you think this is, but Ireland? 

I guess that if you take off that cape, any skinny girl out there has at least one of these dresses. Thus, I say there's nothing special about it. And if you look closely at the pic, you'll see a little green there too, which will point you to the country she comes from: Italy. 

Is it just me, or does she look like the girl from the Princess and the Frog? I don't really mind the whole bra and... well, what are does, panties? But the wings - or tails, or whatever, I would've cut off immediately. She comes from Jamaica. 

Is it just me, or all these miss' starting to look alike? I thought that at least Japan would come up with something cool. Apparently, instead of a Japanese girl fighting the tentacle monster or something, we get a rather... well. Nice dress. I don't like her make-up and hair, but the dress is actually pretty. (Also, what's with the fake tan?)

This, is what South Korea is all about. At least as far as I'm concerned. I wouldn't wear that dress for anything, but she managed to make it work. Damn it, good job this part of Asia. All of you managed to do a decent enough job. 

This lady here comes from a small country called Kosovo. The dress she's wearing is actually quite pretty, though to tell you the truth I would've gone with a totally white color instead of the transparent one. But that's just me. 

Damn, this post is getting long, isn't it? I think I need to keep it short... She's from Liban. I wonder what she's hiding under there... 

Lithuania's dress looks like a piece of glittery crap. Burned at the top. 

Malaezia sent her local witch - straight from the woods. Or something along the lines of that. I would've stuck some branches and leaves to that dress for a better effect. 

Are these pants or is that a dress? I do hope that Miss Mauritius knows. NEXT!

Holy FUCK, What the Fuck, oh FUCK, I'm going to be sick. Really Mexico? Are you High? 

Montenegro here looks like one of those girls in the Pan-Am series. Take that comments as an insult or as a compliment- I don't care. 

Namibia? What are you doing? 

You have two guesses where this "beauty" comes from. If the colors didn't clue you in, it's Holland. The designer was probably high. 

Those branches are stupid, but I like them. Otherwise it looks like... well, nothing interesting to do here, New Zealand. (I would've gone with something along the lines of LOTR or Hobbit...) 

Wait, isn't Nicaragua supposed to be like all warm and nice? Why the cold look? And what's with those pots on the dress? 

Looks like a nice piece of cabbage to me, Nigeria. I'm glad that she's OK, tho. 

Why the somber colors? Miss Norway is pretty, but her clothes are not. 

God, no, this whole thing looks like it's made of metal and feathers. I guess it would be nice enough for a parade, tho, wouldn't it, Panama? 

What the hell is this supposed to be? Nothing in it says Paraguay to me. 

Really, Peru? Are you also high? This looks like something in a really bad RPG. And what's with those feathery thingies on your head? 

Might as well come naked, Miss Filipino. That looks like a really ugly piece of curtain. 

Hey, Poland, Guess what. The things my Grandma used to sew looked just like this. Only we used t hose to cover tabletops or put under the china. 

Aren't loincloths wider - and generally used by men? Well, I guess at least Miss Puerto Rico has a nice smile. 


You'll never guess this one, unless I tell you. It's supposed to be Romania. What about this ugly piece of full-bodied tight is considered even remotely Romanian, I have no idea. The Designers must have been drunk. Also, nice camel toe. Did you look in a mirror? 

In Soviet Russia, clothes wear you. 

I'm sorry, but Miss Serbia kind of looks like a transsexual. Not that I have a problem with you guys... or girls. Whatever. 

Simple and elegant. But lose that cape thingy, Singapore. 

That bluish color is really ugly. Couldn't you use something different, Slovakia? 

This one is pretty nice. South Africa... Gold and Diamond, I'm guessing? 

Horrible color, otherwise it's actually nice. But Miss Spain, what's with that leg? 

Some sort of weird bird again. This time in Sri Lanka. Glittery Gold doesn't suit her, tho. 

I love how that skin color can pull off anything. Green and yellow? Ugly as hell. But St. Lucia makes it work. 

Are we lost inside a circus, or is this just Switzerland? 

Tanzania is probably one heck of a place, where modern art rules the world. At least that's what I understand by seeing this. Really, tho? A few pieces of cloth and some wire? 

Who else would wear a building on their head but Thailand? 

We are once again heading off to the Parade.. .this time in Trinidad Tobago. Those colors hurt my eye. 

Turkey... I have no idea what this is. 

Wow, Ukraine at least did a good job. I love this one! 


Three guesses. What else is new? 

Wearing a bunch of sweets and chocolates? Sure! Putting a box of chocolates on my head? Sure? Laughing like a hyena? Hell yeah! But which of these says Venezuela? 

And the last one (DEAR LORD, FINALLY!): 

Miss Vietnam... Nice colors, but I would not put this on me for anything. 

So what do you think about these? Did they manage to convey the meaning of their country? Are the dresses nice or ugly? Which one of these did you like.