I'm really, really tired of this shit place I am in at this moment, and I freakin' want to leave.
I've been trying to apply for jobs for a while now, and although I know that the job market is awful, I still didn't get ANY replies, not even a "fuck you for wasting our time".
I swear to god, if I don't find anything by the end of August, I'm going to pack up and live on the fucking streets or something.
Yeah. I feel trapped for some reason, and I guess it was my own making. I just have to look around me to see all my ex-classmates and friends have successful lives, some of them having their own firm or just working abroad... and I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself.
All. The. Fucking. Time.
Not sure really why, because I pretty much have everything and there are probably millions of people who would kill for this kind of life, but still.
I'm either depressed or angry all the time, and being asked what's my problem every minute is not helping either.
I get angry at every little thing...
Dad asks me to peal potatoes? I'm fucking angry. Mom asks me to look at something on her computer? I fucking flip out.
It's stupid, and I'm unreasonable, I know. But I also know that sticking around here won't help me or anyone else at all. Thus, I have been looking for jobs in the UK.
I always wanted to check that place out, and I think now will be the time. Sure, it will probably be scary to go off on my own - since all my life my family supported me-, but I have to do this.
I just have to be alone for a while, make stupid decisions for myself - and know that it was all me, and it's not just the people around me who are idiots.
I want to fall in bed at 9 PM, totally exhausted from work, but knowing that in the weekend I have all the money I would want, and I could do anything, and I could go anywhere.
I want to be alone and selfish and a bastard.
I want to learn how to be a fucking bastard to anyone out there, because no matter how surprising this might sound to some people - they have no idea how much I hate them. I generally keep my mouth shut. Mom taught me that I have to be patient and nice, but I don't want to be that anymore.
It didn't help me up until now, did it? (Besides, the only time I actually landed a job on my own without any help from other people was when I sent an openly hostile email to them. Apparently it works. Now I just have to learn how to do it face to face, not only trough the computer)
